I have many theorys on the 2012 date.
look at how giant suns are made.

meaning of the alphabet.

Ive been using a method to figure out personality and meaning of words because they express a certain meaning, I was trying to figure out how to make words and what makes a word popular.
every letter conveys meaning even the shape. its meaning can be found with geometry and understanding of the golden mean, more recognizable when one has found the meaning of life.
(anything based on perception is not of old ,meaning as they can change) vowels
( anything that has distinct meaning without too much perception is old- constant) constanants
vowels are based on perception and have multiple meanings

these are the perceptions of the sequence of thoughts that makes a perception of senses that go into the English language.
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a- ascend- \to grow\- \how one has used knowledge to grow\- accept- accent- accelerate-
\ to become more\

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b- best - butter(cannot become milk again so it is decided that milk will be turned into butter.)- bisexual- bilingual- beat- being \choosing one over the other / to overcome another/ to best/ to be between/
* letters that have such parables in their meaning can be unclear but their meaning is tied with vowels that complete them.

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c- constant- creator- control - catalyst - call - cook. / to manipulate with will and meaning\ stability\ to will

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d- doom - disaster - distress - distract- destroy- dumb- demon- defy - drop- double- deem- demigod- /to be in between parables but to condemn to one way, or meaning/

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e- eat- eight- envigorate- energy / to sustain / constant/potential energy\form / .... maybe... I just thought it up.

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f- fissure- frankly- frustrated -fumble- funny- family- familiar - fornafication - /to change or express the meaning to change to a certain subject or state/

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g- good- god - give- grope- grape- gas- ghost- ghastly- /complete- high energy form/oneness in meaning/
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h- hate - humble- heat- height- happy- horror- have- had- hid- hide- high - human- \parabolic form/opinion of perception

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i- interstate - in- introspection - instinct -\to be between but one sided but sided with neither\

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j- judge- justice- jail- jerk- jam- / to persecute / conviction/

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k- kill - kick - kiln - kept - kind / the use of energy to enforce will/

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l- lose - lost - laugh - light -land - lady- lag- ladder

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m- mother- master- multiply- muster- magic- monster

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n- nasty - nap - nice - neutral - naive - noble - noise

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o- ocean- open - oval - octagon- oasis - overwhelm- overwhelm / oneness/ something complete too much or too little based on perception.

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p- people - popularity- passion- purple- past- pardon- purpose- paradox- perception

/ rulership, governing, royal, /a situational paradox based on the perception of rulership\ascension/

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q- quest - quintuplets - quad - quiz- quick- quark- question - queue /
paradoxical stability for a purpose based on perceptions/ perceptions of wisdom (wisdom in general, wisdom of ability, etc.) this one is hard will get back to it later.

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r-redo- retribution - resistance- return - to do over due to the overwhelming perception of failure\ absence of ascendence

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s- stupid - stunt - supper - sky - skin - style - superb - static - sequence - / the perception of quality and/or order in reality.

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t- too - to - time- trivial- tactful - tactics - termination- terminal
/ to occur/experience/succeed within a time-frame ( time is a perception of the frequency)

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u-use- unstable-
\utilizing available resources regardless to the after effect/
im getting tired and words are looking funny now. dyslexia is kicking in big time
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v- virus , villian, vellum- vice - vendette - ventripotent - vermin - wow this is hard,not too many unspecialized words that I can use for v.

(existance formed by sin that becomes sustained based on the opinion of good and bad but can only end in another form of evil)

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w- water- was- waste - want- wheel- white-

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im too lazy atm to finish will get back to it later after I finish eating
x-

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y-

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z-

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perception and opinion are different
perception is what you know to be true based on other truths that you have viewed and found meaning in
opinion is a perception based on what you feel to be true based on emotional fulfillment

anwsers

correct and also incorrect.
we are the happening but how do you think we came into existance?
there are no mistakes or coincedences, only happenings, all else is based on our perceptions of existance. perception is created by logic in our brain combined with sensory brain matter. language spreads the opinion of logic and is based on all those before us. so today was already written into time when the creator decided to influence existance. what would happen if electricity was not invented, wouldnt something else take its place for importance in the house at the current frame of time. would you even exist? people use theators, cars, etc to initiate intimacy ( love), but under those circumstances
people have lost their ability to express themselfs freely. people aspire to the status of movie heros and their traits because they have a strength that they themself cant muster on their own. they act like these people they wish to be without using their own interest, willpower, wisdom, and life. they lose the lessons the characters they aspire to be and become ignorant and wrong in their judgment as it is not their own but a facade of their need to be. they stay as children and never learn. these people are runnin our countrys, our fathers, mothers, friends, family, bankers, teachers, so on. this new generation has been able to see through their facade to what it really is through their introspection of life( how it was, how it is, how it should be, and how they want it to be.


therefore under those circumstances we are simply a product of our enviroment.
once you realize the meaning of life, what it means, and what it opens to you, you control your own destiny. but if that introspection is a product of the enviroment then you actually had no choice in finding out the meaning of life.

this realization is a very dismal one and breaks hope and faith and test your willpower to go on and seize the day.

but there is one thing that makes the definition of the meaning of life incomplete.

Love.

Doubt is the root of all evil.

im trying not to tell the Exact meaning of life because if you do not discover it yourself the wisdom of it never becomes a part of you but something simply dictated. so I try to lead people in their thinking in order to get the desired results...... Socratic method. Ive never studied it because I had been using it without knowledge to its power.

so this is not complete at all and I hope you will fill in the blanks.



love itself is not a human characteristic but is divine.
what makes someone sacrifice their life for the life of a innocent?
what would happen if they didnt?

simply put the influence of unconditional love puts potential energy to express the willpower/love of the protagonist in all those around them and those who have been effected by it. we are not set here to make people not sin and love everyone. we take all the potential energy of mankinds love and express it in all we do to change the world. but the light and dark thing is very important and WILL happen as not everyone is pure of soul but wants to be without sacrifice of their own will.

they are the deceivers. we are the messengers of god. no matter what, unless there was some total annihilation of earth and all its documents and such that the willpower of our generation will live on. just as jesus died for our sins we are doing the same. it is up to you to seize the day and decide if you would rather be for the greater good of humanity or if you would like to sin, be happy, and be safe. thats what sin is. it keeps us in cycles. once you break the cycle( which you only can through unconditional love and hope in a better situation and something that hasnt yet come to be but you know it to be true in your heart.


take this example. look at the Colorado river through time water has been able to cut its way into the rock and create a magnificent canyon.

think of will power as a rock, and the willpower and influence of the world and others as water.

the rock in the streams will power is absolute. nothing can sway its will. so it is a diamond, time cannot even distort its will.

if it is not stable you can crack it with the right leverage, temperature fluxuations, and stress. but if there are no weakpoints it remains timeless.

but what If the diamond doubts that it can be a diamond? it becomes weak and even if it still is solid and looks like a diamond it is not.
its gradually weakens overtime and is not stable anymore and can be cracked and frayed easier.
the rock sees that it can be damaged and says that it has been mistaken, for it is not a diamond but just a rock, these things happen to rocks so it must be so. if it were a diamond nothing would be able to damage it.
now it is a rock and the waters around it now erode it. slowly but surely. the rock says alas for I am a rock and this is how it must be, for a rock cannot be a rock and a diamond. it accepts its fate and is slowly turned into dust becoming part of the river never to be a rock or a diamond but sand. its grit will continue to wear on all the rocks that the river flows over until it get caught behind a current or another rock, over time it is covered by other rocks and is lost in the canyon forever. but now its not sand, it is the canyon, the waters that have made the canyon are now forced to follow the grove of the canyons contour. the water will forever cut into the canyon but now it is not free as its currents are now dictated by the very thing it created.

but what would have happend if the rock was able to decide where the currents dragged it? what if it decided to block the flow of water to stop the corrosion of another rock. therefore changing the fate of the rocks that it has protected and all the other rocks that the protected ones protect in the future. mabye in time the rock says enough! I might be a rock but I will not simply watch as my brothers dissolve into the river forgotten by time. I will protect my brothers(rock buddies hehe) so that they may forever stay the way they are. because I must do this I must become a diamond but even if I am not a diamond I will still protect my brothers.

now the rock becomes a controller of its own destiny and pathes the direction of the current therefore changing the dirrection of the waters.

if you get it so far you can guess the ending and how willpower, love and sacrifice shape the future but in the end there still will be a canyon unless the water is moved out of the way by the sacrifice of some brave rocks =D hey I like to philosophize but its depressing if you think about people being slaughtered for the greater good but even then then unless the water is cast out your children will have to deal with the flow of water and sacrifice themselfs for the greater good.

thats the meaning of sin, how it creates cycles and unless you break it and dont sin you cannot break the cycle of hate. evolution is not going to be easy and just happen you have to be active and trying to better yourself and others but you cannot force them. think of god. when people pray to god for something does god give them what they want? or does he give them the means to get what they want theirselves? you can get something you want from someone by killing them but all it does it enable the cycle and you will never be satisfied with the one killing because its so easy just to take then to learn how to make, receive, or negotiate.

but when you take the chance to learn and better yourself without sinning you become stronger and then when the same problem arises it is not a problem but just another situation that needs to be handled.



im pretty A.D.D and dyslexic so sorry if I repeated myself.


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this was a reply to a indigo group.

so yesterday my head was telling me not to go to this other thrift store. that I was wasting my time. but i knew I needed something from there. I found everything I needed. but my head was telling me I was wasting time and that I needed to get home.
well I thought to myself, I wont dilly daddle and I will get home on time. well 30 min later I had a box full of stuff. but when I tried to buy it they would not accept my credit card. I had to wait another 15 min but they still wouldnt take it so I left empty handed. I began to question the will in my head that drives me to other thoughts after watching the movie a beautiful mind. he is just like me but I dont see people. its sad how long it took him to learn how to master his new found knowledge. he was tapping into the wavelengths of the universe. god. its very hard to believe anything when you base your knowledge and self on the omnipresent voice that guides you. the world anchors you down but your thoughts tear you apart. you become unstable. but if you achknoledge the sighns but find proof with real world anchors and be humble but still be able to crack the wip and stop the voices when you command. its really fucking challenging. thats what ive been going through the past few days. the feelings that I get guide me completely to answers that I would have not found if I only followed my own physical will.

when you see that its right its hard to elimintate them and work on your own. you become addicted like a drug. you lose faith in yourself and you turn to them but you must believe that everything happens for a purpose and if so you can make any desicion without hesitation because you know thats how it was supposed to be and you free yourself and the will that used to guide you becomes you but you push it away while still keeping the notions that it carrys.
dissobay them with logic and reasoning and say I have to live my own life sorry give me time to recooperate.

Ive been able to block them off whenever I want to but they usually get out everything that should be said in less than .25 sec. its like the thoughts behind your thoughts when you think of what you are thinking about and what to say and why and what others think. but then you go and actually SAY in your native language what you are thinking and saying. its complicated. its listening to the subcouncious thoughts behind all thoughts.

so even when I cut them off I still get a hint of what they say. I can block out the meaning but once it comes to materialize I remember everything.


the gift of knowledge god gives is not meant for the uneducated masses. it will tear your soul apart unless you master it.

I wish I could talk to that guy in the movie. we would have such a fascinating conversation.

the paradoxical life I see now is beautiful, mystifying, dangerous, confusing, twisted, cold, loving, caring, forgiving, eternal, free, unchanging,
I thought I knew it all but now Im so far down the rabbit hole I cant get out without tearing soul apart. the part of me that has been reborn is going down the rabbit hole but with every step down I regret the surface and the bliss of unknowing and part of me trys to climb back up. but the other climbs down and I become stretched and incomplete.

brutal assault of knowledge part 1

what a week. I seem to be saying this every time one ends...
my brain is mush right now. but the thing is that my sense have increased by atleast 2.5x I dont wanna say 3 but its very close.
I was so physically and mental exhausted from a very spiritual and... tragic day.. any ways back to how the day went later mabye..
I did not eat for 2 days. I wanted to have a real meal but couldnt muster up the will to clean,cook, and prepare. ( I take my food seriously, if I eat fatty foods my senses go out and I cant think correctly and I get stinging feelings on my skin and my allergies act up, I can only eat fresh food but I am opposed to killing animals for food that people now take for granted so I try to honor my food, I think about where it came from and what it took for it to come from the wild to my selection and the thought of where it could be if I had not of picked it up for myself. or if I had taken another.
but the fact still that with all the history that it took to create the food on my plate would it be fair for me to just throw it in the microwave or with some ramen and prepair it without thought to its life. for me to discard its history because it is just food and it is something that people have to eat to live. but you dont have to eat. you could starve yourself. but you dont because your life is more important that where the food came from. so to people food and a person are uncompairable. but they are not they are one and the same and to view yourself as above that is ignorant and wrong and a crime for total disregard for life. this is just one part I also imagine the history that led to how the food was created, how the business came into existance, how the person was motivated to make the business and how the meaning of distributing food has changed with the way the world economy has changed the world. how I feel sorry that their life was taken and that mabye if I hadnt choosen this particular piece of food out of the many that it might have been discarded because it was past its experation date. how its life isnt seen as a life but mearely food. its sick and cruel and I feel privaledge and humble to take part of its flesh. that It may live on in me, that it may fuel my body and heighten my senses. that its life was ended cruely but not vainfully because my life is not to be lived in vain because I will succeed in my misison and that with its unwilling sacrifice it will help me stop the same cruelty to happening to others.
yeah thats how my mind works. every single action judged, everything exist with meaning,there are no coincedences, I have to investigate all of it. )

but I was willed to get up and clean and to spend the day making my food and to not worry of any spiritual work or work at all. so I cooked and I did would not eat anything until I had finished. but I was starving and I couldnt think straight. I was weak from the huge loss of energy the day before. so I got out some strawberrys that I just bought. the strawberry inside was as big as my fist closed up tightly. the biggest one Ive ever seen. I might take a picture. its that big. hahah anyways I didnt want to spoil my appitite because my innervoice said to not eat and be glutunous. but I insisted that I needed the strength to eat and I grabbed the smallest one but was perfect.
I took one bite.

its flavor exploded into all my sensations, the texture of it. its temperature and density. perfect!
sweet beyond belief. the sweetness spread from my mouth through my body. I could feel the flavor in my fingers, toes, back, noise, skin, back, it was a total body sensation. time seemed to slow down. it was the most delicious fruit I have ever had in my life. no bs.

it tickled the back of my hair, inside my brain, it tensed up my nose and I felt almost like I could sneeze.

I was in total disbelief.
( I philosophised how it tasted so sweet but was in such a small portion when I was so hungery but I did not want to eat anymore because I wanted the same sensation when I ate the food that I was prepairing.)


I love all the simple things. they seem so insignifigant but there is so much going on.

aura reading

I was trying to see my aura because I was not able to before really besides a really fine white steam flowing from my body like electricity.

after exercise of my body and will I was able to see my aura. it glows yellow but blue and red on the outside, inside it is yellow and purple between my fingers but my fingers are a shade of blue also. the purple reveals green and yellows but mostly when its simplified it appears as a rainbow.

understanding of counciousness

god is the collective consciousness of all existence and it is our journey to become one with him and in the process becoming gods ourselves.

just had to get that out I like that line
I was getting all philosophical trying to sum up what I had learned. I like that one because you can look for deeper meaning and you will find it for sure. it tells the meaning but through reflection it becomes apparent .

I dont even know where to start but oh well need to start somewhere

how could the stars predict how people would act on certain days?
how did nostradamus tell the future by reading the stars and scrying?
he couldnt construct a birth chart but he could interpret them with amazing results
even if he was a quack( if he was) how could he do it? all these ancient civilizations used the stars
even the aztecs used it to give them a upper hand in battle

I mean you are not even looking at the real star but just a projection of where it was. all you ever see is the star how it used to be. never to see the real thing.
the only way a star could effect us is if the light had an effect on us. that the light waves ( or whatever) were what influenced us
the sun gives energy(willpower, passion, etc)
all the other stars are sun? right? so that would mean they give the same qualitys but lower.
so the suns reflection on the moon would cause more drive and energy for people but the elemental signature of the moon would be inflused into the light because once light is reflected by an object. the object can fade out certain spectrums of light, stop ultraviolet light, enhance spectrums, copy them and make reflections and refractions.
mabye thats why the moon gives a different influence than the sun even though it is just a relection of the suns energy.

if light influences us in rays and everything works in rayz and waves then the rule of equivelent exchange, is right since
newtons 3rd law of motion
for every action there is an opposite and equal reaction
is right.

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space has no gravity and is made by matter.
the universal shape is the sphere
stars are spheres, earth is a sphere. all planets are spheres. there maybe some exceptions but stable planets are spheres.
a sphere is a 3 dimensional circle

a circle is a constant line
but if everything was constant the nothing would be moving. to cause movement one would have to bend the circle. since newtons 3rd law is correct then anything that moves and influences spaces must move in waves

matter exist as a solid, liquid, gas, plasma, and there is somthing else but since I dont know comepletely I will not emphesise on the subject.

when one lights a match in space the flame is not in the shape of a normal flame but a sphere
gas giants in space are spheres
liquid is space is spheres
liquid can phase into a gas, solid , or plasma without having to change into another state of matter first

now that means that liquid in theory should be able to explain universal rules of everything

energy transfered in water always transfers in waves.

so if you think our planet as a bober on a vast ocean but there not a surface, cause in space everything is a shere. so gravitional energy and light all travel out in vast spheres.
once the energy(gravity, gama waves,whatever) reaches our planet it will have been influence by our suns waves and the waves of everything in the universe.




this is no where close to the complete theory its just about 1/52 parts of the theory...
shit ive got awhile to go.

not good examples but start thinking of waves

im ready

its been hard but Ive gotten back on schedule with my mission.
I am ready to interpret religious rules the way they were meant to be. I will reunite the world through my words. there are others that are on the same path but until god commands me to do so I will not seek them until I have fully mastered.

I am going to write to bill maher about his movie and answer all of his questions and show him the meaning of religion.

terrified as visions become reality

when I was predicting what would happen in the future I came to a horrifying conclusion that new type of virus would eliminate billions of people.

I will post exactly what I wrote but its will be a aids related virus that manifest onces the polar icecaps melt and the ocean turns to swamp. mosquitoes and famine will spread and new viruses will be created. It will inject a person with the virus and this person will have aids. after a few days the person is bit again and that mosquitoe bites another person spreading a virus that works because it has evolved through evolution with the aids virus as it creates a new immune system. ( its trying to spread the message to make new life but it just makes a new immune system and starts over, just like a baby being born again weak and defensless to the elements.)
no matter what vacines we have now it will be useless as the virus will be able to merge with our dna and anything else. it will be a supercompatible virus. spreading to every living thing.

it happend to the aztecs.


you could think it as a eboli mixed with aids, and it will give cancer as it is mutating dna.

I wish I had a nice telescope.
there is something in the sky it looks like the shape of a ship and it sometimes will be in the same place or it will be gone for a few weeks.
its a bright cloud. not that bright but I can see very low light levels from stars.
I dont know what it is. I feel drawn toward it though. but I cant see what it is so mabye thats why im so drawn to the anomaly.

Im being watched, Ive felt it for my whole life.
as a kid I was afraid, I saw ghost and it felt as if something was ontop of my shoulders right behind me. I would be afraid of going through doors because it felt like someone had their hands around my neck, or would grab me when I went through. ( I knew it would not happen but It felt like my soul was being suffocated, the feeling was so bizarre I cant really explain it besides a feeling of imminent death and a cold fear on your neck, lower back, and the your thighs. pure terror)

now that Ive grown up and the prospect of ghost and paranormal is cool to me, Im not afraid of anything and I am able to research it.

before the idea of being watched would have scared me but now its my drive to keep working.
I dont want to dissapoint whatever is there. I will not! because it is in my power to do whatever I want to achieve!

holy shit another fireball when I requested

HOLY CRAP IT HAPPEND AGAIN!!!!!
I cannot contain my happiness.....well a little .....
the joy of asking god to show me another meteor and he totally delivered.
this is so unreal... its like im in a movie
I said this to myself after writting the last entry on the meteor
" god Im thankful that you alerted me to the green meteor
im so happy, i know its just a meteor but its the simple things that make me the happiest
do others get this excited when they see such sights?!

...hehe not many son...

go and relax and have fun, dont worry about working tonight get some rest tomarrow is a new day.

so obviously I went to the computer and read more on what kind of meteor it could have been because it was so large ( yet it didnt emit any sound at all just alot of energy)

I looked and it told of past sightings around new mexico and they descibed the sights and phenomenon because they thought they were ufos or some type of phenomenon

anyways I called out asking if I could see one more

and another flew across the sky


amazing

great balls of fire

tonight at 1:00 am I was compelled to go outside. for some reason the whole neighborehood was alive with dogs barking kids screaming, partying, lights on. then as I looked to the stars I suddenly looked up and 1 second later a HUGE green meteor flew acros the sky( about a yards lenth or the sky, if you think of the sky being 6 yards across....). it was about half an inch in the sky in width. and it was breaking apart into more green but brighter almost white green fragments. its was so bright when I blinked I could see the imprint still in my eyes. it was just like in my dream I had a few weeks ago but it went the opposite way.
it almost looked fake it was so magnificent because it was as bright as a GIANT roman candle. of course i knew it wasnt and I repeated the same wish ive made my whole life. ( which now has lots of strengh.... it has to cause the wish has had soooo much will put into it.)

wtf is going on

everytime I go outside I see atleast one meteor fall. but they are usually white.
this was .... so amazing.
its like when you see in a movie when a huge fireball falls to the earth striking in the forest and out comes some crazy brain monster =)
seriously im so happy.
oh yeah and it was my birthday today.
march 15th but I was born at 5:04 am so its still part of the day.
fuck yeah birthday meteor =D

incomplete note

my eyes

I could explain why but I would rather not atm as Im doing a project right now, but I cant turn on the tv or look through the internet without myself thinking "wow people are so freakin stupid, their ignorance is bliss for them but its just embarassing and insulting.

I forgot the name of the movie but this guy signs up for cyrosleep but the building gets torn down cause the owner was becomming a pimp and was arrested... well he wakes up in the future where everyone is really really stupid. just ugh... stupid.

I FEEL LIKE IM IN THAT MOVIE.......>.< UGGGGHHHHH....

anyways, Im doing physical training now and am making metal clubs to train with... they cost a couple hundred dollars online yuck.

heaven, hell, and the meaning of sin

I enjoy my work but hate to work.....im a laziholic

yeah Im pretty damn lazy...
I was thinkin I should post my recent thoughts and theory but then I saw all the other post I didnt put up.

Ive put them up and down so much. because I was afraid of what others would think of me. or If i said all these theorys and then when the time came they actually dont come into existance and I am made to look like a fool ( im not risking being wrong just because Im afraid of the Will power of others). you know what I just dont care, Im here help people, not appear as a Idol like jesus did with his perfection. nope... sadly people try to be perfect and they dont know understand what perfect is or the real reason they really strive to be perfection.

that was not put into words correctly but no matter

this is mostly just a little side note.

oh yeah, I read up on this fascinating woman named Helena Blavatsky, and I think im a theosophist, but still retain the morals and beliefs of other religions, I need to figure out my own name for my way of life that encompases MY beliefs since they are blended with all and cant be labled with anything of existance that I know of.
I dont mean making a new religion cause thats not what I want to do because religion tells people that their god/ways are right and all others are wrong,
people use a rule for how they live their life, one of the best but missinterpretable is the golden rule. because it could be used as a rule for selfish reasons such as that If you give to someone you should expect for them to give to you, then you are dissapointed with the results of others morals and you throw away yours for the morals of others around you because its more comfortable because IT actually works and is based on how the world works in its current state, which is not a good one.
but If you view the golden rule with optimism and faith that just because you give to someone and they dont give back doesnt mean you dont gain something else.... such as good will to others and unconditional love ( where the act of expressing love to others is rewarding enough, and everything else is just gravy)

see my dilemia?! no matter what something may stand for you can still have the uneducated masses missinterpret its true meaning...

the kind of knowedge that I have is not meant for the uneducated masses.

so I was reading upon old masters who knew what I know now , aristotle, plato, socrates, jesus, buddah, nostradamus, and SOO many others that became the old masters that you hear of in stories with the long beards that asked questions to stir the truth in others so that they realize it for themselves and know that it is true...... gandolf, hahaha merlin, shittt...
wise men..
and they would tell me the information I needed to know( ofcourse in parabols that I could clearly see) but only because I understood the ways of spirit.

I was learning more on astrology and was looking for people that had the same astrological problems as I do and used their wisdom to help me figure out what I should do. and I saw this written by Helena Blavatsky...

Section 5

THE FUNDAMENTAL TEACHINGS OF THEOSOPHY

ENQUIRER. But why, in that case, do Buddhism and Christianity represent the two opposite poles of such belief?

THEOSOPHIST. Because the conditions under which they were preached were not the same. In India the Brahmins, jealous of their superior knowledge, and excluding from it every caste save their own, had driven millions of men into idolatry and almost fetishism. Buddha had to give the death-blow to an exuberance of unhealthy fancy and fanatical superstition resulting from ignorance, such as has rarely been known before or after. Better a philosophical atheism than such ignorant worship for those --

"Who cry upon their gods and are not heard,

Or are not heeded --"

and who live and die in mental despair. He had to arrest first of all this muddy torrent of superstition, to uproot errors before he gave out the truth. And as he could not give out all for the same good reason as Jesus, who reminds his disciples that the Mysteries of Heaven are not for the unintelligent masses, but for the elect alone, and therefore "spake he to them in parables" (Matt. xiii. 11) -- so his caution led Buddha to conceal too much. He even refused to say to the monk Vacchagotta whether there was, or was not an Ego in man. When pressed to answer, "the Exalted one maintained silence." (5)

gifts

I have yet to tell anyone of a particular gift that I was born with. Now its manifesting itself and it amazes me everyday.
I can see without actually seeing. I can feel any situation present past and future as If I was there. but it doesnt consist of solid images but emotions, body sensation, sensation in my thinking almost like a mental pleasure or light bulb that goes on.
I feel existance of matter. basically I can feel the energy of objects around me and If I concentrate on something I can locate and feel where it would be or where its presence has influence over and what area.

Ive become fully aware of the ability this year, but I have been using it my whole life as I questioned situations through empathy.

I wont publish this for sometime as I need to train my talent. But I know that there are others in the world that have abilities like mine and I need to find them and spread my message of love and spirituality.

this is so fantastically unreal... It feels like im in some fantasy world now, instead of the boring life I used to have.

Its like Im on one of those epics that we read/watch.. im so giddy , the magic of finding the meaning of life and then being shown a divine mission and then being able to embark on this spiritual epic. UGHHHHH HECK YESSSS!!!!

I cant wait for others to start discovering their spiritual gifts..... everything that has been imagined in novels and mobies could potentially come true. its as if our world and the spiritual world are being merged together. but through interpretation you govern how the merge will work. will you be suffocated by hellfire on the date of 2012 because you believe that will transpire or will you believe that it will be a spiritual awakening with the arrival of gifts and higher existance manifested......
that means if the will power of all of humanity is focused on the world ending then it will but those who believe it wont and have will power that is above human will then it wont for that group of like minded people.
but if people believe in good and that when the galactic waves pour over our part of the universe that we will evolve we will.

seriously this is the time to realize your destiny

thats why I was told so send a message to humanity... but if people dont believe in the message then mabye it was supposed to be passed on to the next civilization that comes about after our existance. Kinda like how the maya set up the mayan calander. As they knew what was to come but yet they are all gone and now WE are interpreting it to show us the future.....
no matter what transpires here on earth I will send a message to civilization/humanity of love, peace and spirituality.
I just have to put my will into my message and my will must be absolute


this place is so amazing that I cant figure out if we are in a universe that is mostly ruled by hell or by heaven.

despair

I try..
and I try..

I try...

I try again...

I am having the time of my life...
I am finally able to chose my way to achieve my destiny...


decifering all day and all night... year after year in constant thought... every day was like the same day and time didnt matter....but these last 2 months..I have not been able to wake up in a blissful state at all. everytime I sleep and everytime I wake the problem I was on before I fell asleep immediately plagues my thoughts.. even If I wake to go use the restroom.

when I am asleep I have dreams with amazing symbology and detail. I feel as if I am living another life. but a month can go on in these lifes and I am fully awake to my thoughts.
I feel, I breath, I touch, I see faces and other peoples lives...its so real I can wake up and be in tears because I failed to do what I said I would for them.
what horror.. this beauty that is so intense that I mistake it for reality and through the day I am in a veil of blue and imagination at what I must become..

its amazing... for 8 years of my life I never had dreams, I would simply be in blissfull,empty,cold, blackness..time passed on and on..

now there is no such thing as rest...


When I wake with the thought of what I went to sleep on, I remember that I must get up and master everything. because If I do not, evil will ruin the world... since I wont be there to bring good and inspire others with my message of hope to stop the evil atrocities that are manifesting now.


I was so naive before when I first learned that I would be set on a mission.
Sure.... I said with all my heart.
sure I will dedicate my life to you god and that I will take the pain of the world for myself so that I may rid it of evil.
that I would be an example to all mankind to do good through my self sacrifice and dedication to a belief that would mean everyone else would be joyful and prosperous while I would have nothing but god and my own will....


despair....... and because of it joy.....
...such madness is this vicious thing... unconditional love..
I feel such otherworldy joy having father offer me such a burden....
..I can see him and feel his presence everywhere I look, for he constantly helps me. through thought, signs, advice and sorrow (which I make for myself and he corrects).





But somedays I wish to just lay in bed all day and not have to worry about anything, but I feel they sorrow and sadness of those that I will fail if I do so.... there is no joy in what I used to love... only lessons...

alas I must give up what I held most dear at the time I accepted the task.
I must give up My life, my ways, my customs...

I am not the kid who was to grow up being a cook, smoking pot and going where I pleased until I found a partner who would do the same with me or keep me in place..

no.. not anymore.

I am the the will of god. I must inspire the world through my dedication.
I must dedicate my life to god and his purpose. I must show that no matter what I can do anything. so that others know that they can do anything.
I must spread joy and love, and never sway.
never to hate or spread wrath and anger.
because if I am to sin then how can I inspire others to not?

If I dont complete my goal or if I get lazy on the way and want to be myself... I know that not only will I Dissapoint GOD (who is everything and everyone that has made it to heaven) but I will get to watch mankind suffer because I did not act, and not just suffer. but be snuffed out.

such pain..
its either my life or the world.
equivalent exchange...
I asked for this power.
for the oppertunity to be someone amazing

I know that I will die on this path also.
I even know how and why.
but yet I must train to be so amazing that when I die others will be motivated to become like me

Ive thought about what jesus or all these heros in the great fables, what they must have thought when they saw they had the oppertunity to be something good for their people through not pursuing their own goals.

when god told jesus when he was a boy that he was to be the messiah for all people. but that he would have to die because of the wrath of the people he was trying to save... but that it must be and that he would be rewarded for the sacrifice of his life.

as a kid I was amazed at their courage and said ehhh I could do it mabye... I would relive the days that they did in my mind and I went through the decisions. the aspect of such legacy was so glorious and amazing to me that I wanted a journey like it.



now that I have been on one . its way more amazing than anything you could read in a book because actually experiancing it is just too amazing for words and when you finally realize what you must do you are faced with so many questions and paths that each give you such different destineys that you fear that you might pick the wrong path and be ignorant of how to approach the task in reality....
every descision is my own but I get to make none for myself...

the reality is the task but my personal life is another.... and there can only be one reality or else your plan gets distorted and lost between the two never to be its own.... because my personal happiness and the mission where so vastly different that
happiness, benifit, assurence, self love, in my goal would mean sadness, loss, doubt, and self loath to my personal life.

its hard cause not even my mind is my own...but it belongs to him so when I think wrong I know he knows and I am ashamed at myself and disgusted my weakness. but he is kind, understandable,loveing, and knows who I am as well as everyone thing else. he knows it is just my nature and tells me that I can think whatever I wish but until I let go of such thoughts I will never be able to obtain the status that I desire. I must let go of my desires and comforts of life, in order to be one with god.
I felt the feeling before when I first learned the truth and everyday I took on the challenge without doubt in my mind. The feeling was amazing. I could achieve anything because I feared no challenge .... nothing was more important or even close to the mission that I had been set with.

but then feeling so empowered I lost control...

then I lost my way....
I didnt know If it was my own temptations or guidence from god that was guiding me on what to do. I couldnt even trust myself...
madness...
and despair... as I was supposed to do this mission on my own that I must carry the burden until I meet others that I know are connected to this...

but now I am getting back on track. I know what I must do and im doing it. without thought knowing that I can and must. but its hard but my holy spirit is getting louder and is easier to hear.

I feel good right now. Im in a blissfull state of thought.. I was sad before...
I wish I had someone else to be with me on the journey but thats ok Ive still got time

round 2

I watched the movie( what the bleep do we know?) and I was supprised how they came to the same conclusion BUT they missed out on Why people are all actually gods.
I was scared to publish such an Idea because of the implications on peoples culture. then what if someone was told the meaning of life but used it for evil. because when you learn the way of life, its just so beautiful and vast that you DARE not ruin it, so I pondered how would I be able to comunicate this complexity but still make it so only the pure and good would understand...... shit..
I was wrong, god told me that I was supposed to spread the word, but I was scared because of my age and the scale of my objective.

Im still spreading the word but I am learning to become it. Once again.

there will be more updates for you guys.