questions after lesson learned

why do we feel the need to best people?

what is worth?

what is love?

how can one judge value?

why do we seek to be loved?

what would people seek if they had no pleasure? growth? why?

is love growth?

how does universal growth work?

if love could be logically explained. would there still be pleasure in love or do we seek the unknown?

does death give meaning to love? I dont think so
or does the unexplained mystery of life give meaning to death?

could reward be simply duality, yes/or no? with or without?

then how could someone be happy giving away what they have? charity?
could it derive from the givers memory of receiving?
what would happen if someone was never given anything?
would someone in complete isolation from everything be happy with giving?

could knowledge be rewarding enough?

is knowledge experience through duality of yes and no?

can doubt elimanate the reward of knowledge?

so life without reward would lead the occupier of doubt into cycles of uncertaincy which would leave them blind to their true happiness?

if they subsitute their original happiness, do they truly forget what made them happy?

but if happiness comes from experiences already perceived then they would always chase the original value of percieved happiness?

so is growth love?

if happiness can be percieved and imagined then is it the knowledge that it is not a lasting experience which keeps us searching for our dreams?

we desire stability but yet growth,
what is stabile growth? phi?

is Phi the archetype of/for perfection?

a leson learned

today i realized something.

Ive been chasing my dreams, but now Im out of energy so I look back to my old sources of happiness to gain my charge back in life. or atleast my old happiness.
I had friends, adventure, challenge, wisdom, and experience that put me above people in warcraft.
but I still wanted to help and watch people grow and bloom, I sacrificed my own happiness and oppertunity so that others may have theirs and so I found that the game was in a sense a rat race for something which had no physical basis or lasting supply of happiness for that matter unless you met up in the real world and extended that bridge of connection to the physical.

I searched for a best friend. Love. but I had it all along. Duke, family, friends. but duke most of all and I am so greatful for him, but in my search for happiness I let him die, from my own cruelty and neglect even though I didnt want him to die.

Ive given up almost everything that I had in the past. Ive become anew but I still search for my old sources of happiness.

I flipped to cartoon network and watched billy and mandy's big boogey adventure.
they had a very important message to me.

at the end when they conquered their enemy's from their own sources of power even though they were searching for them all along they said a very important thing. the dumbest charecter billy did
I dont think its something that I will forget.

this retarded thing came out and said something like, man I ate some nachos but now I dont feel good but they were great.

then billy replys, THATS IT. our journey has been like nachos.
see

If we had never come then we would have never known how far we would have gone to get what we wanted,
and we would not have seen that we had what we wanted all along.

this sparked a message inside of me

desire arises from the need of a greater experience that we have already experienced in some form or manner ,
happiness exist in the eye of the beholder.
so are emotions something that are really irrelevent?
but without emotion how would there be reward?

emotion could be considered consciousness

so anything that has feelings has a soul?
anything that has emotions has a soul.

mediums and sensative people feel feelings from places, ghost, objects, etc. would this mean that everything can potentially be animated with a soul?

could the projection of emotions onto something animate it into life?