As I search and find new ways to help make a difference in this world, I Find myself contemplating the journey that I've been through to get to this point. Its been such a fulfilling journey and I feel privaledged to have found my way in life through belief in myself and what I believe in. That finally I have found the peace and happiness in my life to accomplish everything that I didnt think I could. But now that I have accepted myself and what I find to found to bring me happiness... I know what I have to do and that my journey has begun. .anew...
I have stuff to do right now but I will try to update this stuff once i get more situated in my condition.
well today is the first day of doing a blog. I need to start somewhere before I get can get to my goal
OK so.... Im not the best with Grammar but i can type fast, and if I correct too much i cant get any ideas down. So im gonna just keep typin and correcting things later.
the way I write is that I first put down all emotion over the subject and only emphasize on what I feel mostly because before now I lived too much in a world of sight and emotion and less that the way of words and literature. now that I switch around words when I think as to spend more thought processing on theory and intuition than language. My thoughts get mixed up when I try to express them. hopefully I can learn to express myself better through the means of this blog.
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its the next day
Ive gone through correcting a couple things here and there.
up here on
(the way I write is that I first put down all emotion over the subject and only emphasize on what I feel mostly because before now I lived too much in a world of sight and emotion and less that the way of words and literature)
my thinking just works in a way that Im able to take any data that is relevant to my problem and apply it in almost a 3D model in my head. ( when I was in school Im sure everyone did this but from my depression and myself recessing into my thoughts for comfort, my brain has worked atleast 2x better, and I would say 3 but because of my thoughts now dont use complicated language as it did before. Im now focusing on the logic and imaginative part of my brain and stopping language. Its able to boost my intuition and gives me a universal way of thinking problems as a whole.
I first found this way of thinking because the barage of pills the doctors threw at me to correct my head were actually making it harder to think. I began having loops of thought ( in words ... as if I were saying to myself I need to find the I need to find the I need to find the I need to Find the I need to find the I need to find the......... it was terribly depressing..) and was unable to stop thinking about a object unless I find it or find another thought to focus on again.
but once I stopped thinking of what I needed to look for as a word and started thinking of what I needed as a something such as a *(a past memory- connection between another though that is clearer in my head- how it effects my 5 main senses-emotion to it- color of the emotion and physical feeling of the emotion.... yes you can teach yourself to reconize situations by the physical feeling of your intuition.... almost like dejavu.. where your memory slaps you in the face and you are like wait huh... have I seen this before?! Same can be said when you play a video game, sport, hobby, job, or anything where you can feel your instict telling you when to do stuff, If you pay attention you will know that your insticts will feel different if you should do one thing or another. its what I do but on a different level because I get rid of language which takes those emotions and instead of my subcouncious saying in english *YOU HAVE TO GO UP IF YOU DONT WANT THIS TO HAPPEN* its now as if my head showing me guestures pointing up and I obey without question.
look at the research between the cognative ablility of chimpanzes and humans, the part of our brain that makes us special Is the language section (and is a constraint on your thought proccess.) and the part that applys Logic (also a huge constraint but needed)
the research shows that, chimps opperate their decision making process based on instict because they interpret what to decide based on the raw data that their senses tell them. but when humans were tested they found that peoples decisions would be slower and less accurate because they had converted the data into language and used (logic) to make up for the loss of data because for most people to read they have to be looking exactly where the words are to read them so that they may convert the *physical manifestation of thought( language) back into thoughts and emotion..
sorry I think how the brain works is fascinating but basicly .... think of a dvd player as your inputs(senses) you want to watch a dvd so you hook it up to a tv with speakers(reaction)
that is pure now lets say your tv doesnt work on analog but interlaced... ugh bad examples are BAD... anyways so now you have to hookup the dvd player to a converter and then to the tv. now that the image has been converted is awesome ... everything is clearer... but the sound sucks.. so now you get a reciever for a suround system ( back speakers only....I said it was a bad example....). you plug in the audio input to the reciever but it still you have to connect other cables to get the speakers to work. np right. but now you have sound in the back but none in the front OR a image. now you have to take the converter and receiver and plug it into the tv. but when you think you are all done. it has to be calabrated because the image on the screen, the sound comming out the back of the speakers, and the front are not matching because it takes longer for the data to make it through the receiver than say the image takes to display. so now what you have to do is calabrate them so that they all work together with the slow process...
thats why talking infront of people is hard and you get thoughts mixedup because the huge amounts of data you take in because of peerpressure actually is able to sway your main cognative abilities...
whew.. there ... thats why I think the way I do and why I endorse it to anyone who needs a bit of help focusing. but also you can become dependent on the other sense that make up for your rerouted data so it can be a two edged blade.. until I learn to master it completely. that would be Fucking sweet!
ugh ive always got something else to say.
its also why if you get high and eat after or take a shower it goes away or is just generally weaker. same reason why acupuncture works, smelling salts, everything where you use one stimuli to make up for another....... substituting one process for another. S
See this shit is all around us you just have to look deeper into their meaning.
you can look anywhere and find the answers for life and what its purpose are. you just need to learn to open your eyes.
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