early morning thinking

IM involved with alot of adult things.. like it never really hit me. Love- for all but Im looking for a life together with someone..fixing real problems i the world... I should be getting high and doing coke with my friends but no.. I choose to endure and live a life that Ifind meaningful.. I every once in awhile I get flashbacks to old memorys.. as if I am there I feel the mood and see the picture.. even hear it. not audibly but as a deeply detailed memory. and I see my life. just as it was. the simple things which brought me such joy. but now.. anguish.. but I endure because I find it meaningful. that Ican really do something good in the world.. will I be able to look back and know that I have not wasted it? I miss the simple things..
as I lie in bed my blue woven cotton blanket embracing me keeping me from going astray I hear the radio softly playing some nice indie tune with the birds in the plum tree as chorus. the rustling hum of the heater billowing warmth before it turning off from being too hot. my crimson red curtains blocking off the sun from view with only a tease of light peering through.
eyes half opened reluctant to make any movement I sleepily gazed at my new room. beside me I felt duke curl up beside me to wake me up.. I liked that memory.. but it passed like childhood dream, without smiling or feeling sad I feel myself alone.. the music enhancing the silence of the room.. the place does not smell of dukes death anymore... the stillness is conforting.. like a new house ready to be lived in.. ready for new life...
buzzruzzerugherugh erugh.. the heating went on.
I roll my eyes looking across the room, the sun streaking through the curtains, they glow with a familiar angle of a old friend captured in stillness.
my body felt big to me. arms lanky and thick, strong. Ive lost perspective of my body, sometimes its weird seeing your own body without seeing it in a mirror. reminds you that your there. that this is real, and that ive got to get up... but this bed feels great...damn ive got to go pee again..