ive fallen in love with one of my best friends.. Ive never felt this way before.
im confused... I noticed signs that something was going on, but I deny myself my feelings because I feel that they are just dreams of my suppressed sexuality and the close relationship between me and a friend.

The thing is though.... when I consult astrology it tells all the events that happend... how my mind is atm, and how his is.... or how it SAYS it is. im insecure and even though I completely trust it to myself. I cannot trust it with love...

we went with his roomate and his girlfriend to a party. he introduced me to everyone and told me to follow him, I was too shy and walked away to see who was at the party.
he would always praise me and get my back, pull people who have the same ideals as me so that we could work on the same thing together.

he talked to me about his personal life, and removed all his defensive barriers.

the next day when he was talkin about the party, he said he was watchin me at the party stumble around and mingle with people.
he wanted to settle down and get out of the area, he wanted to move in with me.
when he picked me up a few days ago, it was because he was not feeling so well and wanted to hangout at home with me and chill when there was a party going on.
he saw me reject a girl that broke up with my homeboy a week ago, he pretended he was asleep but texted me about the experiance after she got off me.
last night, I was pretty wasted but.. while he was saying that there are friends here for me and that I didnt need to stay alone... I think he said that I didnt need to stay in the closet.... it was a serious and personal talk but I thought I was hearing things. before he caught me staring at his arms and he said to stop looking at his arms, I replied in a tone to imply that he is a jackass and that I was looking at something else and that he is insecure, I said what?! fuck you dude. he caught me.


there are more things but I feel silly writting them.


I really hope it is real. I want it to be. Ive always liked him, a friend more than as something else but it was always a dream in the back of my mind, but he is so damn straight... Im scared.
I dont want to ruin our friendship, he regards me as family.

If I were to come out to my homies then my kindness might be perceived as sexuality. they are very insecure about gay people.

I am happy that I have been able to experiance someone trying to open my heart, even if it is a missunderstanding I have always wanted to be in a situation like this.

I was gonna go have sex just to get over these feelings... but now I kinda want to wait and see if my friend is the real deal...

im so stupid..

from a astrological viewpoint... its a perfect match. im gonna have to read up on virgos