wow frustrating!

I figured out whats going on and what I am going to do.
Ive been researching and questioning human sources from tv stations, occult, and even religious but no one will answer me.
I make sure to present my information so that If they were in on something they would instantly recognize that I knew and that I just wanted a little guidance.

No one has replied to any of my emails. when I call they hangup. its ok because I was forced to interpret and learn everything myself, without any convoluted thoughts from some lost soul.
I know now that to succeed, my mentor can only be god. His glory has guided me so far and I will not lose faith.
But..
my spirits were being depleted and I was turning evil, blowing up at everything that stopped me from moving forward which put me back into a rut.
Im strong enough to carry the burden but once someone tries to provoke me I throw my anger and troubles on them to make my load less.
I must strive to to be strong enough to carry the burden and also relieve others of theirs so they may see the light.
im going to start another spiritual journey, the one that I didnt want to go on before.I was scared of using my salvia extract because I didnt want my mind to be swayed from the right path and I doubted god would protect me through the journey.(that I would lose emotional and control of my body as I did when I depressed.... Ive never done halucinagens)
I must become a shaman and learn to guide my spiritual presence and be free from worldly influence. I need to talk to the spirits.
Along I will learn astrology, astronomy, alchemy, and other gateways to spirituality.
I will read the bible first then move on and read as many holy books as I can for interpretation.
also I will try to learn hebrew, latin, chinese, and more japanese(so that I may be competant to all people, sorry I dont have enough time to learn every language.....)
I will learn the ins and outs of current science( I already know them but I want to have a complete understanding of how it works so much that I would be able to explain it to someone who has never been school)and keep myself updated with current events and how they relate to predictions of nostradamus and other astrologers.
I will not express anger, wrath, laziness, or glutoney, and will conduct my actions and thoughts with strict self discipline so that in the future I will be ready for everything.
I will balance my hard labor and writing, by establishing a new routine everyday while taking breaks and making time for my personal pleasure.
I will work on my relationships with people so that I can control my emotions in public and so that I may be seen in the my jugdement of someone striving for equallity, love and peace.
im trying to workout but there is just not enough time to get in the shape that I want, but I have stopped eating meat besides when im really hungry or need the strength, now Im eating all food types without adding harmful addatives. only eating in the morning and afternoon. Im taking vitamins and medicine for my mind, body, and spirit so that I may work at my full potential.
I sacrifice my personal life for the hope of freedom and well-being of the world around me. But there will not be sacrifice of life, no matter how big or small. everyone has the ability to help, it just needs to be nurtured.

this is my promise
I will succeed! there is no other option.
because these are only the first few steps to my destiny.
so it must be done

my back hurts...
so much work that when Im not learning im walking to the next task.
its ok because ive wanted a journey like this my whole life. I thought that I would have to wait until I was 50 so that I could work on exploring space. ( holy crap I love space!)

this is just so closely related in scale in mystery.. gosh...
Im so amazed at life.
its gonna great once people see what I have seen.
I feel truly blessed.

Thankyou god!